Sometimes I find myself contemplating the general state of things. And when I say things, I mean my life. Where it's going, how far I have allready come, and how the hell I got here in the first place.My wants' and wishes change over time, and as I grow older I realize that alot of the things I have done, and plan to do is because of the wishes and expectations of others. So now, when I feel like I am at a crossroads I need to stop and think about what I really want.
The thing is, I feel that if I make the wrong choice I might loose something that I am now in posession of, that I don't think I have ever really had before. That's not to say that it would be the end of the world. I am, as I have mentioned previously, not a drama queen. I try my best to be realistic in most situations. But it would however jeopardize something that I cherish and appreciate in a way that has seemed impossible to me in the past.
On one hand I have an opportunity of a lifetime, so to speak. This is someting that I have wanted for almost as long as I can remember. Or at least it's something that I thought I wanted. What I am worried about is wether my ambition is charged by the need to prove to everyone else that I am someone worth paying attention to, someone important. This kind of leads me to my problem, and the optional road that up untill recently was completely uninteresting to me.Actually the other option was so unlikely that I decided that it was an impossibility.
Because what happens to my ambitions ment to please people, if I meet someone who makes me completely content with who I am? The need to prove myself evaporates, and other peoples' opinions does not matter as much anymore, so what now? Because here I am, suddenly in a situation where my previous dream is no longer as important as it used to be. Other things have taken it's place, and ironically it's the same things that I used to deem impossible. So now the question remains; where do I go from here?